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Because pussies are only an inch and half away from assholes. The problem with dicks is that sometimes, they f--k too much, or f--k when it isn't appropriate... But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. We're ten hours from the f--kin' fun park and you wanna bail out. To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! " - "Apes don't read philosophy." - "Yes they do, Otto. Take this down: 'I want rustlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nit-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bush-whackers, horn-swagglers, horse-thieves, bull-dykes, train-robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists! " - "No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time." "I went to New York University, and, uhm, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. " - "I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the West. " Blazing Saddles (1974) Play clip (excerpt): - "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." - "Is there someone else up there we could talk to? " National Lampoon's Vacation (1983) - "Disturbing the peace." - "Disturbin' the peace? What's the f--kin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? This is bulls--t." Beverly Hills Cop (1984)"Excuse me, sir. But the only thing that can f--k an asshole is a dick, with some balls. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way.
" - "Lower your voice." - "Wait a minute, what is that anyway?
" - "Do you know that in the last two years, l've been with eleven different women. My mother was a fifteen year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. And, oh, no, it's not okay because if they make me, if they, if they take my, my stapler then I'll, I'll have to, I'll set the building on fire.""How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building? Perhaps play a little game called 'just the tip.' Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Woman stood before God, With the middle breast in hand. ' And God created man." A Prairie Home Companion (2006)"Well, Dick, here's the deal.
Now, I don't date these girls because they're well-read. She thought it was a diet book." The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. But then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler..... The center has to be at least three times bigger than this." Zoolander (2001)"Of course, we're not gonna go round (naked) paradin' ourselves in a room full of men! Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it’s awkward, it’s like well goodnight. Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out 'cause you’re tryin' not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all? And all the while you’re just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? I must've hit a pothole." - "You don't seem too upset by what's happened." - "Of course I am. Who knows if I'll ever cum again." - "I would like to take a closer look at your bowls." - "My what? I would like to take a closer look - at your big brass bowls." - "Okay, yeah." (unzips pants) - "Thank you. When the middle one got in the way, God performed surgery. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. Uh, you know, I'm just a, just a big hairy American winnin' machine.
But the fifth day, you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, but then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. I have it written down, but I-I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Gentlemen, let's get to work." - "Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force? Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn." - "Yep." - "So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger." - "Yep." - "That's right.
And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes!